Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Plan

Television's leading comedians spent their evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, called the "Trump card," portraying it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday song about the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program that enables foreign citizens to buy U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. The program's portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message here to affluent immigrants: before you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"The most thorough screening the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval numbers during financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.